i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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