I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
