Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
