dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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