I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
