Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
