Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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