He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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