dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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