Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
