some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
