I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
