actually, I'm a sock model
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
