Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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