please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
