Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
