Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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