Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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