Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
