You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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