I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We are two peas in an std pod
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
