Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
