Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
