he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
