I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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