its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
