Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My ass is underappreciated
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
