I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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