Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
