ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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