If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
