how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
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I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
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I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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