I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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