I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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