People with herpes should wear stickers.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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