Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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