I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My boob is missing a layer of skin
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
