I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i dont even know how to be here
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
