im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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