did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
