how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
