New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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