Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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