remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize