fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
