I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
