I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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