Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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