R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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