You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
