I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
