when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
