planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Pants are for mortals
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
