You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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