my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I looked at my own cervix.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
