And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
