College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
