if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
