i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
