sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
