my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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