Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we're making bets on your personal life
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
