those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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