Sponge bath it is.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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