You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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