I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
the liver wants what the liver wants
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
