dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He kissed a someone with a penis
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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