Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
