I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
