i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
