haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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