he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I stole a fireplace last night.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
