he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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